Remember the voices from the past that discouraged you? The teacher who said you’d never get it? Do you still hear those voices? Shame on those people for discouraging us — and shame on us for listening. We have to change the channels that we are listening to and turn up the volume on the encouraging remarks… (Indy Star)
Hi Geri, Jan’s comments are right on the money. Here is a recent One Minute Motivator I wrote that makes the point that we need to be our own best friend as well:
“Lighten up on yourself. Most people have a prejudice, they are prejudiced against
themselves. They think they arenâ??t smart, they think they arenâ??t good looking, they think
They arenâ??t any good. We need to realize that everyone in this world is different, and has different interests and abilities. While we may not be suited for certain jobs, we are ideally suited for others. So stop judging yourself so harshly and start looking for the areas you are perfectly suited for. Once you find them, you will discover you have no competition, as there is no one like you.”
OK, Geri and if anyone wants to sign up for the free, daily email of the One Minute Motivator, they can just go to http://www.brightmoment.com and enter their email. Ed Smith.
Yes! Thanks, Ed.
If that’s a video I’m going to broadcast that here. Excellent advice and so needed for most of us.
I’m going to sign up for the one-minute motivator daily email…
geri
These past few days, I have been receiving positive comments from some of my closest friends, but something really horrible happened: I was refusing them. I started analyzing and giving explanations for why I was actually manipulative, egocentric, and insincere in the good things I did. My friends were being very good optimists in searching for evidence that I was a fundamentally “good person,” but I was very unconvinced. I didn’t really comfort this person because I cared…I was just hoping to get something more out of him. I wasn’t really a good friend to my friends. I was just mooching off of their many video games. Right?
Or wrong?
I have been witness and recipient to much negative criticism in my life, whether from family, school, or religion. And it was often difficult to simply ignore that feedback, as it sounded reasonable and logical. But even when I was talking to my friends and trying to convince them of my worthlessness and horrible actual personality, I realized that I was almost “seeking out” big complex explanations for why I REALLY did something seemingly nice.
And then it gets confusing. Is that really the truth? Could I possibly be sincere in my goodness? Or not? I then lose myself completely and find myself unable to say anything, worried that what I say might be a lie.
And then when I find someone who reminds me of the good he sees in me and really makes an effort to convince me of it, I break down. Ever seen “Young Frankenstein”? I will never forget my favorite scene in that…when Frankenstein tells the Creature “You are NOT evil….you ….are….GOOD!” And what is the Creature’s response?
He cries.
A funny scene, yes, but also touching if you look at it the right way. When so many have told you your whole life about your failings and faults, and then someone one day suddenly finds something so beautiful in you, that SHATTERS all the bad you’ve been feeling in you for so long. And it may need to be done often, as my friend reminded me: 20 years of criticism may not be automatically be made up with just one positive comment (but it helps nonetheless!).
I don’t think I have been completely overwhelmed with negative feedback in my life, but there has been quite a bit, to the point that being reminded of my goodness can’t help but make me cry REALLY hard. It’s the power of positive thinking. I guess it can really change lives.
*sniffs away a tear, then hugs you tight*
Lots of love and warm feelings to you. Thank you again for your comments and the article.
Yours,
Marc
Marc,
Thanks for that. It’s so instructive for the rest of us.
I’ve been there, too, with lots of negative criticism in early years. Then, like you, as an adult whenever someone said something nice I automatically justified it as being normal, or not up to par.
“I like that top”
Oh, this? I used to look so much better, but I’be gained weight.
“Your boy is so sweet, you must be great with him.”
Oh, you should see him when he misses his nap (rolls eyes)
I used to say stuff like that all the time. I was in the beginning stages of my eyes opening to the truth.
I had to FORCE myself to take compliments. I had to stop doing things for others that I really didn’t want to do — and resented later…
The reason you are crying is that your heart chakra is opening. It’s been closed for a long time and when you get glimpses of the truth, that you are beautiful and lovable and honorable (and doing the best you can) you recognize it as such and the light shines in a crack. When that door is pushed open a crack, by love or joy or recognition, you feel the pain there (or something) and you cry. My throat used to ache. My throat chakra was opening, as well as my hear. The Throat, being the center of the body that represents speaking your truth.
I will add to that praise for you: You have a lot of sensitivity, understanding, and also courage for writing here and opening up to us.
may good bless you (and if you keep coming here, it will!)